Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
