Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
