Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
