I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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