I'm going to jail i love you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
