then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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