Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
