I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
