from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
