He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
