Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
