I've blown a few things in my day
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
