I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
