i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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