The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you mean i was at the winter classic?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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