Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
