Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
