I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.