im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
