I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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