brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.