I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
