Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm