I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
