I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
