I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
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