well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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