Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
