You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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