He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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