I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
