he puts the penis in happiness.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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