so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize