he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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