Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
