So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
