i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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