I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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