I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bring me that man meat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
