My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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