Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
