JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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