My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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