I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
