direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
