Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
