did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
