just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
