I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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