i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
