well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
