I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
