And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
