Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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