don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
