I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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