It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
