dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That accounts for only three of the penises
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
