You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
