WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
