Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
