i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
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i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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