if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
