her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize