some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pants are for mortals
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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