remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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