I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
