a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
