piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
