So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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