He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize