End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize