Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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