i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
