is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
