hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i just had sex bonerless
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize