You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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