my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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