Can i not drive my cunt home
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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