I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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