it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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