he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
