the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Randomize
